i'll try to make this brief!

i'm in my 20s, mom's almost 50. i've been diagnosed with ADHD-C since i think 3rd grade, and medicated that entire time as well. i was on daytrana until i was finally old enough to consistently take pills (i think sometime late middle school?) and then moved to normal ritalin, then switched to adderall a few years ago.

aa anyone on medication, it is the difference between me living independently (as i do) and not. i cant believe people go on unmedicated without having tried it for themselves.

i definitely 100% got ADHD from my mom. she would probably be diagnosed ADHD-I but i could see type C also. she is sort of the opposite of me: she is a very hard working, organized woman who has worked her ass off to become as successful in her career as she could without a college degree, and now she's currently a year away from her bachelors!

im very proud of her.

however.. she struggles in many ways i recognize as being ADHD caused problems. she has horrible anxiety (thanks mom lol...) bordering sometimes on an OCD-like need for compulsion, which as a result often makes her grumpy and heavily disrupts her sleep (she probably averages 5 hours a night)

she is also notoriously difficult to hold a conversation with. she will very often in the middle of a sentence (yours or hers) pick up her phone and immediately stop listening without saying a word. it drives me and my poor beloved father insane.

she is a fantastic woman and a great mom, but i see her struggling and recognize it well. but so far attempts to convince her how awesome adderall is and would be for her have gone nowhere.

she's obviously very self conscious about it all. i try to be as non-judgmental sounding as i can be (im not judgemental, i understand completely how difficult it is to keep focus everywhere, and shes decided her career and household-running is more important, understandably!) and emphasize that i think meds would foremost benefit her, but she gets very defensive and shuts it down fast. generally by retorting "i'm very successful, i'm good at my job and school, i've gone this far without them", etc.

obv i know adhd diagnosis as an adult is difficult but AFAIK she hasnt even really looked into it. she works so hard and i know how stressed and anxious she is all the time and i know a lot of it is due to ADHD. and i know how my meds help me calm my anxious mind by a lot.

does anyone have any tips for how to convince her? i would especially love to hear from people who got diagnosed as adults (30s and later). im very privileged in that my parents took me to grt evaluated as a kid and that i was (still am lol) practically a poster child for ADHD-C. if you werent, what pushed you to seek it out? how did you overcome your own internalized shame and ableism?

i just wanna help my mom :(

TLDR: mom close to 50 has adhd but refuses to seek further help. meds would 100% help her. how do i convince her?