The overwhelm I feel at having to write a paper is immense. I mean especially when I have to research and decide what to write. I think the lack of structure at exactly what I need to write makes this even harder than regular tasks. I think there is also an element of perfectionism that comes into play and me wanting to do it well and knowing that means K need to read and research all these things.

It is just so hard. It is as if every fiber of my being wants to do everything it can to avoid doing my paper. And when I do it, 15 minutes of work feels as if it is a few hours of work due to the immense concentration, discipline and force it takes to do it. I have to use many mental tricks to try and force myself. I try to think about the future and how I want to get this over with now so I don't need to worry about it later. I try to tell myself that it's better to have something than nothing and don't worry about it being good, just write something down.

But it is just so incredibly hard. And it is so lonely. I just feel so overwhelmed and alone. Like I can't do it on my own. I feel like I just need to someone to hold my hand and encourage me that I can do it. (That may be just a personal issue for me but I find this overwhelm makes me feel very childlike).

Just wanted to share to see if anyone can relate or understand. Any kind words or support are much appreciated. Xoxo