(Originally posted on r/ShrugLifeSyndicate)

I don't know what to do today. We're waiting for our neighbor to get back so we can help him move a cable on his property. We're going to get fast internet soon! But, in the moment I'm stressing out because of this stupid chore we have to do and I don't want to get invested in something and get abruptly interrupted. 

I've always been like this. I have an appointment at two in the afternoon? Well, I guess I gotta clear my plans for eleven o'clock onwards, because I got the brain of a potato. I don't know why I get so anxious about having obligations. It just feels like a pressing concern in my mind and I lose the ability to focus because I'm autistic as fuck.

Maybe it's not autism; I've heard of other people doing the same thing. I think it could have been on the ADHD subreddit. It was somewhere at least. But, I know it's a common enough phenomenon that I'm not a special snowflake. Still, it's something I deal with and is at least worth bringing up in my little posts because God knows I've already written about everything else under the sun.

Is this a defect or a feature? Maybe being like this helped our ancestors in some way. But, in our clock-driven society, it certainly lowers my productivity and ability to enjoy myself. I couldn't even watch a five minute YouTube video when I was waiting on a ride in a half an hour growing up. I had to be fully ready, shoes and coat on, and sit on the couch looking out the window in case they came early. What the fuck is that? Why do I have to be an anxious doofus?

Oh well. It is what it is. I don't know life any other way. I'm used to it and honestly I've gotten better over the years. Better to accept and love yourself than bitching about something you can't change. At the very least, it makes it so you don't suffer just by existing.