TL:DR: You have ADHD, you're not going to read this!

I was diagnosed with ADHD when they called it Hyperactivity Disorder. I've managed most of my life without medication and have been very good about structuring my life around ADHD's pros and cons. Or so I thought. I'm realizing that I'm struggling in many ways, and need some help.

I just threw this list of issues together to discuss with my doctors. I hope this doesn't violate any rules, but I was hoping to hear from others if this stuff resonates. Sorry, it's kind of long:

I HAVE TO HAVE THINGS HIDDEN EVERYWHERE TO GET THROUGH A NORMAL WEEK

I have six sets of car, motorcycle, and house keys:

• Main
• Backpack
• Office
• Hidden outside the house
• Backup
• Backup for backup

Money stashed ($100 bills), or I’ll get to the store without money or my wallet (self-loathing is HUGE when that happens)

• Office
• Jeep
• Motorcycle
• Motorcycle jackets (x2)
• Backpack

I had to learn to clone RFID cards and fobs so I could make as many as possible and put them everywhere

Medications everywhere:

• Office
• Jeep
• Motorcycle
• Every single jacket I own
• Backpack
• Girlfriend’s house

I have to buy five of everything I want to be able to use quickly

• Scissors
• Tape
• Utility knife
• USB drives
• I own literally five of the same $150 pen stashed all over the place
• I bought four pairs of identical prescription glasses
• I bought four of the exact same hat (I like the hat)
• I have three laptops (two are identical)
• I have two identical iPads

REMEMBERING THINGS

I pay for a texting service to remind me of things like meetings, airline check-ins, Dr. appointments. It works well -- when I remember to put the event in. Literally every event of my life has to be in that reminder service or I will forget it

If it’s not a routine, I will never remember it. Alexa tells me to exercise every day, or when to go to bed, when to feed my dog at night. I never forget to feed her in the morning because I do it right after she goes out in the morning to pee (routine succeeds here)

Some routines are impossible, like putting my keys in the bowl next to the door. Thank god for AirTags.

I want to buy contacts online? I walk straight to the laptop and by the time I open the lid I can’t remember what I was doing. This will happen several times over a week or more before I actually succeed in ordering. This is the norm, not the exception

Daily, I forget other things I was about to do literally within seconds of thinking about it. Often, I can’t recall what it was until it occurs to me hours or even days later.

I can’t keep a thought in my head even when I try to repeat it to myself over and over (take your pills when you walk in the door, take your pills when you walk in the door, take your pills…)

PROJECTS

I’m not motivated to tackle large projects that take time and mental energy. Until that is, I am totally motivated and nothing else matters (like this list at the moment – so far)

I love tasks that are short and easy. However, too many short and easy tasks overwhelm me and I shut down

I have zero follow through once I pause a project, even if I was highly motivated before. I have to finish it or it will not get done

The best motivator is a deadline and someone yelling at me for not getting it done yet.

I constantly feel like I’m about to be fired for this, even though my last job lasted 15 years and this one has been six. However, some years my reviews are horrible and others they’re far above average

FOCUS

I often can’t read a webpage full of important technical information without skipping all over it. At times, slowing myself down long enough to focus on even two paragraphs is impossible -- and stressful

When I am focused, I’m extremely focused.

However, even an interruption of a couple of seconds will often cause me to completely forget the important work I was just doing. Again, this is more the norm, not the exception.

I HATE Interruptions when I’m in the zone, doing something important

HYPER (FOR A LACK OF A BETTER WORD)

• I'm Impatient when driving, even when not in a hurry (and I do stupid things to get around other drivers)
• Can’t stand standing in line
• Waiting for service (at a store for example) without being acknowledged creates huge amounts of anxiety (do they know I’m here? What’s going on? Hello?) and I will even leave after a couple of minutes
• I experience stress when a customer in front of me has paid but doesn’t move away from the checker IMMEDIATELY, or when they stop in the middle of an aisle for even a few seconds, blocking me
• On Video calls my chair is swaying from side to side unless I notice it and concentrate on stopping it
• My fingers are often playing with themselves nervously when idle, especially when I’m talking to someone
• I get tics easily, verbal and physical. I’ve learned how to kill most new ones, but it takes a massive effort and several attempts.
• I hear a song that repeats the N-word over and over and I get scared to death that it’s going to come out of my mouth reflexively in the next couple of days (that hasn’t happened, but I fear it because I've done it with other non-offensive words)
• A fragment of a song about eight words long is always playing in my head non-stop when riding my motorcycle and there’s nothing else to distract me
• I can’t sleep because my mind won’t shut down and stop thinking
• I’ll go to work, do nothing other than screw around, and go home. Once I’m home I’ll remember those two projects I really had to get done, but they never even occurred to me while at the office