I'm a 25 year old guy who has unofficially diagnosed ADHD. That is, I went to a psychiatrist during my 4th year of college believing I had ADHD, and he was torn between ADHD vs hyperactive anxiety, and talked me into thinking I had anxiety though also felt I had at least some degree of ADHD. He tried to suggest I take antidepressants to deal with my anxiety, and I refused to numb myself, as I see myself as a high performer who had a lot of big plans and was watching my roommate go through adjusting to antidepressants and didn't want to see the same foggyness/numbness that it was giving her.

Three years later, and I feel like the worst decision I ever made was not getting a second opinion. I am positive I have ADHD, and I am just high functioning enough to still succeed. But the stress I feel about not doing a million things often takes a toll on me, and recently I have felt like there are some "quirks" to how my brain works that just aren't compatible with what my girlfriend of three years wants from me.

I was hoping to reach out and see if any other fellow adults have advice on how to deal with the relationship side of ADHD. Specifically, I just upset my girlfriend over not listening to her. She told me not to do something, and then ten seconds later I got distracted in my thoughts and did the thing she just told me not to do. It became a thing, as this happens a lot. She feels like I don't listen to her, that I'm running on autopilot too often, and am not present. She does not feel heard, and told me that apologizing isn't enough, I need to show her that I do listen to her and her requests are valid through action, as it's been three years of me not listening.

I never play the ADHD card. Because I'm not officially diagnosed, I don't ever want to make that excuse. But I know for a fact that it's my brain. I hear her, I remember what she says, and if I had an extra second, I would have caught myself and told myself "She said don't do that", but I just autopiloted it anyways while I had thoughts about how the Roland Schitt from Schitts Creek is a terrible name and how I would never name my child Roland if my last name was Schitt. Stupid, random thoughts from my voice in my head always lead me to losing my ability to stay present.

I have tried to solve my problems through focus or willpower, and it never works. I don't know why, but I can never keep myself on any plan I setup for self improvement. I had quite literally consolidated my 30 journals into just the 5 important ones the other month, because I always try to get my thoughts organized and then fall off the wagon.

Fellow adults with adhd, how do you deal with it. How do you stay present and live life in the moment instead of in your head, without meds to help? How can I help myself and "fix" myself beyond trying to will power my way through my problems, because pure will power has never worked for me. What to you do to remember to practice mindfulness and staying present in your relationships?

Thank you for your time.