I think in general there is an allure of being a conspiracist, bc it feels like you’re uncovering hidden information and it’s a way of coping in a world with a lot of uncertainties. I do think ADHD and the tendency to hyper focus can easily lead into a pipeline of unscrupulous information if not checked. Which is what happened to me when I was 17 years old. This is a story of two young adults with ADHD, who had different paths.

My days as a conspiracist was between 2016-2018. My friend at the time who was diagnosed with ADHD and I (diagnosed 2021), spent a lot of time watching YouTube. Looking back, I realized YT’s algorithm had a significant role in feeding us alt-right propaganda and conspiracies. In addition our underdeveloped frontal lobes, lack of critical thinking skills, depression, and heavy use of ‘grass’ to self medicate. My friend and I had a very toxic co-dependent relationship. We both enabled each other’s impulsivity and had similar familial trauma.

My friend was the first to go down the conspiracy pipeline, he would interject conspiracies into various conversations with me and to others. At first I had no idea what he was talking about and curiously listened. He would send me conspiracy videos on YT, websites, and social media posts.

Eventually I began to buy into these conspiracies and became equally fanatical. I started to do the same exact things. For example, I was making PIZZAGATE flyers and posting them all over my college campus (cringy AF.) Looking back now, I realized the ADHD tendencies to hyper focus and over share had led me to lose a lot of friends, which triggered my rejection sensitivity.

I began to question everything by mid-2017. At that point I was a sophomore majoring in sociology and political science. I started developing more critical thinking and research skills, listening to different opinions in class, learning more history, and theoretical frameworks. I became really invested in my education and started to develop a support system around that. For the first time in my life I had professors who acknowledged, encouraged, and supported me instead of putting me down. I had a sense of fulfillment, pride and direction.

My friend on the other hand began to dwindle more and more in college. He majored in architecture. He was very knowledgeable in architectural history, but not so much in the creative and applied aspect. He was always procrastinating on hw and important projects, late to class, and in general hadn’t developed a positive support system and routine. This is when we began to butt heads. I was tired of living in a negative cycle and wanted more in life, where as he wallowed in hedonism and conspiracies. However, I do realize he was facing co-morbidities such as bi-polar (his self diagnosis ) and I suspect intense Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD).

We had intense arguments arguments. He was not happy that I become ambitious and began a committed an healthy relationship with someone else. Being with my new partner (him and I are still together), had helped me realize I was in a toxic relationship with my friend and set boundaries. My partner encouraged me to do better in school and held me accountable—in the process there was a lot of growing pains. I stopped watching YouTube conspiracies and focused more on school and my personal life.

Beginning of 2018 I had distanced myself from my friend. We would still see each other but it always ended in a fight. At this point I’m making new friends and shedding my conspiracist identity. Where as my friend is burning bridges and losing more friends.

By late 2018, I’m at a full stop with conspiracies bc I’m busy interning, studying, and applying to opportunities. Which paid off bc I got accepted into fellowship and study/ work in DC program. My friend on the other hand continued to go downward. This is where my friendship with him had fully dissolved.

In this post I hoped I conveyed- It is possible to get out of the conspiracy pipeline. It can be a long reprogramming process. I would sum up how I did it: - Cultivate a support system separated from the conspiracies - Focus on what drives you vs falling into a rabbit hole of disinformation - Have loved ones hold you accountable, and embrace the discomfort and emotional distress of growing pains - Frequently reflect on your progress

I still think about this friend, I do still love them but from a distance and with strong emotional boundaries.

Thanks for reading my post.