So met this girl at my friends bday dinner on Saturday. Asked my friend for her number Sunday. She said she probably just wants friends. I'm honestly okay with that. Usually I get rejected a fair amount. So we text for a while we make plans for Thursday and I spontaneously ask her to go on a drive on Tuesday. Thursday comes around we hang out and I drop her off. As I'm dropping her off she says This wasn't a date thing was it? I panicked and said no and i apologized, I can't believe I apologized for giving off the wrong vibe. I got she didn't want to be a thing I thought she got I didn't care and I thought we were having a boppin time.

Anytime I meet someone I tend to fuck it up some how. I miss understand this or that. I'm too much here or not enough there and I hate. I'm so fucking alone and I hate it. My new meds are helping I'm more content with being alone but also still going out. It's a nice change. I'm still alone though and I still dont understand social situations and I really really wish I did.

My goals this month has been to make food for my self. (I almost always eat out unless someone cooks) Go to the pub alone and get food. And try and reach out.

So far I've done the first one and a bit of the last one. Friday night I'm going to the pub and I will learn social ques eventually but right now I'm learning to crawl.

I still hate it don't get me wrong but I can't sit in a ball and do nothing