Short version: I cant people. It makes me sad, I want to people. I cant so I make it worse and cry. Tomorrow will be better even if I took 10 steps back tonight.

Anytime I get close to someone I rush it I go to fast and I wreck it. I'm "weird" and everywhere and I'm to much to handle. That's me off meds On meds I'm better or getting better.

I see that I'm socilizing and doing okay but have no F*ing idk what I'm doing still so off my meds I go to far agian I step the line that I cant see, I talk to much or wont take a hint cuz I dont see them ot say the wrong thing. I go back to being to much.

That leads to nights like this. Meds wore off. I'm crying. I'm not close to anyone because who wants to be close to the weird kid, hes to much to handle or hes to flirty. All these thoughts and more run through my head and I only make it worse because I'm set in these emotions because it's the norm so when someone trys to help I feel they have pity for me and there doing it out of that pity not because they actually care. And so the hole grows and the cycle rolls on.

I know people with adhd are there own different and can fit in and socialize but I feel that I can't and I want to so badly.

Tomorrow I'm gonna to join the group my counselor talked to me about. Tomorrow I'm going to volunteer and take classes with people in motion. Tomorrow will be better even if tonight I took ten steps back.