I have 18 hours of science classes right now: biochemistry, invertebrate and vertebrate biodiversity, microbiology, and conservation biology. Crazy schedule, I know, but I have one semester left of scholarship and I could juuuuust barely cram those classes in, or I could pony up $40,000 and stretch them out.

Three of these (vert, invert, and micro) have a lab component with regular exams and large projects.

This would be a big load anyway, but the ADHD isn't helping at all.

On top of the heavy course load, my profs have a weird idea of fair grading. If the class average is barely passing then they consider an exam a success. We got a 63 class average on the last one in invertebrate biodiversity and the prof congratulated us for bringing it up 10 points from the previous exam. There are no curves, there are rarely bonus points. Somehow I'm passing all of my classes right now with a C or a D, but that might change if I can't get out of this funk.

I'm trying to study. I'm trying to be a good student. But right now, with two exams yesterday, two practicals today, and two large projects due tomorrow, I just don't know if I can do it anymore.

I have accommodations, but they're only for extra time on exams and a separate testing room... which is often actually bad for me because my profs schedule a mass "special exam period" for all of the extra-timers on the same day I have other exams!

I'm to the point right now where I hardly care if I study anymore. I know I should, but my concentration is absolutely, positively shot. It's waaaaay beyond meds helping me shot. I need a coffee just to get through my text messages. I'm on 15 mg Dexedrine, which works well when I'm doing two "big things" (exam, project, etc.) a week, but SIX?! I had two exams yesterday, have two practicals today, and have two projects due tomorrow. I am freaking out right now.

I'm tired, I'm frustrated, and I really want to punch a wall right now. I'm feeling sick to my stomach and it's hard to swallow. We had fall break last Thursday and Friday; I took it off to see my fiance, and that's the first weekend I've had to myself since we began school. I'm regretting taking off because my profs obviously expected me to take the extended break as an opportunity to get some extra studying in.

I haven't done a full load of laundry in two weeks because I DON'T HAVE THE GOD DAMNED TIME. I'm constantly wearing dirty clothes. My room is a wreck and the dishes are getting moldy. I haven't been on a proper grocery run since a month ago. I was late getting my ADHD script refilled for October because I couldn't find the time to schedule an appointment.

I take time to recharge my batteries with an hour of video games every day, and that's all the time I ever get to myself. Sometimes I forget to eat. Sometimes I don't sleep. I know I should, but coffee can keep me awake through the night to study and Dexedrine makes me lose my appetite.

I'm so over it. I want to push the pause button and get a moment to breathe, but it's so fucking hard. As soon as one thing is over, I have a new thing to worry about. This would be a hard schedule if I weren't ADHD, but it feels impossible right now.

It's passed my mind a few times to cause minor injury to myself to get out of practicals today because I haven't had the time to study well for them. But then I know I'd be wasting time waiting at the clinic getting myself patched up, and I can't waste that time because I haven't even started work on the projects due tomorrow because I've been busy studying. AGHGHGHGH.

My only goal for this semester is to pass so I can graduate. D's get degrees after all. But I don't know if I can even manage to score D's.

What should I do? I'm so burnt out. I can't press the pause button, so how do I bounce back from here?