This is a bit abstract, but something I've struggled with is finding myself strongly adverse to habits, hobbies, or careers of those close to me such as my father, grandfather, siblings, etc. Not that I have anything against them at all, but it's almost as if my novelty seeking brain already checked those accomplishments/paths off in the gene line and I have to find my own unique path.

Where it's gotten frustrating is when the habit is a really good one, and I almost reject it because although it's not somebody telling me to do it, since somebody else already established it as part of their identity I have a hard time embodying it in my own. I let things stick that are (at least to my conscious brain) unique to me, but even in times when I'm drawn to something it almost has to go through this filter to ensure originality.

The closest I've gotten to to finding the source is feeling like I would be judged, or called out for "copying"? Or maybe it's some narcissistic quality that I need to own every aspect of my life without giving credit to anybody? I know it's a toxic thought pattern I wish it was easy to toss out (I mean it is, but it's still a nervous system response that makes it hard to).

Does this ring true for anybody else? Or am I just going crazy?