I’m not sure what’s going on? I’m on VVanse for the first time after numerous meds, including Adderall, Ritalin, and others. Felt like I was a test dummy as a child, but whatever.

I miss not being on VVanse. Because for the first time, I feel “normal.” That’s the problem?

I miss swiping up between apps to do something, then forgetting which app I needed to go to.

I miss walking through the door to look for my keys, and walk out with cashew peanuts, only to go in a third time to remember to grab my keys.

I miss the arguments with my family, as I can now just hold my mouth shut, and walk away.

I miss the natural jitters of excitement that goes through my entire body for a half second of stretching that I feel in my brain, that gives me the best feeling in the world, but makes me look completely stupid?

I can sit still and watch a movie, and I hate it. I called out the movie on Netflix last night “Back in action” only for my S/O to tell me that I didn’t.

Which at that point it hit me… I didn’t blurt the shit out. I controlled it. And I think it’s honestly wack.

Am I handling this switch properly? It’s been 30 years of living without this particular medication. The kind that made me feel “Normal” …