I’m probably making this into much more than it is but I’m not doing great and just need to get it out.

My husband had a colonoscopy this morning. The hospital it was being done at is less than a mile from our house, so he walked over at 6AM. I would then wait for the office to call me, and drive over to pick him up.

That’s about as far as I got before shit went sideways. I had been told to expect a call around 10AM; they called at 8AM, so I’d been awake literally five minutes and was rushing to get dressed and get out the door so he wouldn’t be waiting too long.

I got to the hospital, parked, went in, and got my husband. On the way back I was fishing in my bag for my keys, which are missing. I must have left them in the car. Annoying but not completely unusual unfortunately.

We get back to the garage. The car is gone.

Oops, must have gotten off on the wrong floor! Except it’s not on the one above, or the one below, or any of the others. It’s gone. I know it was one of these theee floors on this side of the building and it’s not there.

My husband, who is normally very patient and understanding, is (understandably) getting visibly angry. He tells me ‘just find the goddamn car’ then storms off back into the lobby and leaves me panicking in the garage.

After about 20 minutes of running around freaking out I decide to just walk the entire building top to bottom…and find the god damn car. It’s exactly where I left it, unlocked, lights on, engine running. Some big utility trucks had parked next to it so I didn’t see it at first, and we literally just bought it so it didn’t register as being ours all 20 times I walked past it.

And then to add insult to injury, I lost the parking ticket during all of this and we had to pay $20 instead of $4.

I just feel so god damn stupid right now honestly. He does so much for me and puts up with so much bullshit because of my dumb fucking brain, and the one time he’s depending on me to do something for him instead of the other way around I completely fuck it up. Instead of being able to come home and climb into bed and ride out the rest of the anesthesia peacefully for the rest of the day he had to sit there and watch his idiot wife try and figure out where she left the car. I took my Adderall before I left, there’s no excuse.

I’m shocked we’re still married, because I know I wouldn’t want to live with me if I was anyone else. I don’t want to live with me as myself. I’m always scared on some level that I’m going to come home to find divorce papers on the kitchen table and it’s because of crap like this. I wouldn’t even blame him honestly.