It seems to me that the pattern of learning social skills for adhders/autistics is completely different to non-adhd/non-autistics (lets call them nons). Nons only have to expose themselves in social situations, as their brains will literally guide them through communication, as if they are on autopilot. Even if there are instances of bullying, the non-autistic/non-adhd brain will have the intuitive understanding on how to deal with it in order to properly set boundaries and demand respect. However, if you are autistic, that is not all that is required. You won't have the natural intuition to understand what is happening, what to say, how to say it, nor how to handle negative social situations. And if you are ADHD, impulsivity makes it difficult to say things at the correct time and you are likely to get distracted mid conversation. This makes us extremely prone to bullying, developing complex PTSD surrounding social situations and thus, increasing the likelihood of social withdrawal and AvPD (avoidant personality disorder).

Now what does the autistc/adhd child do after these intense rejections and instances of bullying? Well it depends. In many situations, the child may develop extreme burnout and mental paralysis in social situations after repeated attempts and failures. They try to push through the bullying and gain some social standing in their school hierarchy but it fails. The other likely situation is that the child continues impulsively entering social situations and pushing through the social harassment, developing an aggressive, energetic personality that is standoffish. This representation is far more effective in being able to learn how to mask (BUT OF COURSE, there are many ways it can present these are just 2 ends of the spectrum!!!).

Personally, I have had extreme struggles with AvPD, burnout and mental paralysis in social situations throughout my life. As a result, I have EXTREMELY poor social skills. How do we being to approach this in adulthood?