I can't read. There wasn't ever a time I can recall where I didn't feel like reading was a chore. I was never a bookworm as a child and then grew out of it. I didn't hit a "wall" where I stopped enjoying it. I never did in the first place.

Everytime I sit down with a book I want to cry. My heart starts beating really fast and there's like a mental block from people calling me stupid or lazy all my life. Then I start getting hungry or emotional or parts of my body start hurting. I feel like SpongeBob from that procrastination episode. I don't have dyslexia, I don't think I need glasses. I think I have a psychological barrier around reading. It makes me anxious and restless and frustrated. My dream career requires me to go to grad school, so I anticipate lots of long, dry texts in my future. I need to get over this, I need to find ways to get around it. Otherwise, I will never succeed. I believe knowledge is power so asking for advice here isn't in a way of "this is a drudge but I need to do it anyways to be a scholar ahaha", no, I want to be able to read and find personal enrichment from it too!

I've tried everything. I paid over $100 for a spreeder subscription, then I got bored and never touched it again. I tried turning off all distractions and going to a quiet place. Then I tried binaural beats [___ hz] and instrumental music. Then I tried all genres of lyrical music on low volume as a background noise. I used coffee, green tea, sugar, energy drinks, ritalin, adderall, I even tried adding iodized salt to everything I ate. I tried reading while fasting. When first waking up. Before I went to bed. Audiobooks feel like cheating to me but I can't articulate why. Nothing is working, I can't motivate myself to read and if it's necessary like for school, I have to wait until the last hour and then afterwards I can feel my organs dying from the stress. I feel like I have brain damage. Please help me, I will do anything