My new boyfriend, 40, has undiagnosed ADHD. He's never had stability: has never kept a job (we're talking weeks and months, not years), is constantly moving, and nearly became homeless. He's never pursued his interests consistently. We're in a long-distance relationship and have known each other for 7 years but started dating 5 months ago. I never knew it was this bad. I also have ADHD and autism, so I understand the struggle immensely - But there seems to be a big difference between us. I'm trying to understand other people with ADHD to better understand.

He doesn't seem to know who he is or what he wants. So far I have noticed that he possesses some immaturity and lacks self-awareness interpersonally as well as in other areas in life. He has a pattern of impulsively acting on unrealistic ideas and then experiencing failure (such as moving and quitting jobs constantly). He has big ideas and plans for the future, and seems to think he can accomplish them with little plans or training (such as starting a business, studying Chinese medicine abroad, buying a house, learning cello, etc). He wants to publish a comic series he has been working on for years, and wants to do other art, however objectively the art is awful (I have been kind about this). He tried to go to school and says he doesn't know what he wants there either, but that if he did, he'd pursue it until completion.

I myself have really had quite nightmarish challenges in life, as well as a lot of things that occurred outside of my control from the beginning, involving family who interfered and made everything worse. However I've never given up, and despite how difficult it all is, I have still managed to relentlessly pursue my dreams and passions regardless. He just seems really lost, and I'm wondering if this is normal for ADHD. Does he have hope for improvement at his age? I've been taking on all his issues and encouraging him to get help.