some thought after my 20th accident, which had happened because I was focused on the music instead of driving. my mom told me for the 3000 time that I should be more careful, I know I know I should drive carefuly and I should notice things and remove facial hair. I know all these things but I forget to to them. I don't know why. so anyway I suspect I have adhd for years since I was 14 and failed at math in school and had very hard time studying and focus on general and was always stressed out but I didn't ask for a diagnosis because I was afraid I'll be forced to take medication that will ruin my creativity (I know it sounds weird but I was genuinely scared from it). So anyway life goes on, I'm living life, I'm doing well. my life is a total mess and nobody knows becsuse I became so good at hiding all my problems or most of them. I have no idea what I'm doing. Recently I got diagnosed with autism but I don't think it's explain all of my experiences and things I have I relate to a lot of adhd content to the point it's scares me sometimes how it describes my life. I want to get a diagnosis but what if I'm just addicted to my phone and need to try harder? I mean I can study for hours if I force myself and I go to work every day and talk to people and drive and go to places and I can improve I just need to work on myself get a diary and write everything down, but I lost my pen again and I can't find it and I can't leave my phone so I sit and listen to music and thing about all the things I need to do and wasting time. anyway this is too long

and don't worry no one was hurt.