I woke up way too late to take my meds today, so I’m rawdogging today. It reminds me of how horrible it was that I went 20 years of my life completely unmedicated.

I’m on Vyvanse and been on them for almost two years. I need them not only for focus but also for mood stabilizing and to feel present. When I’m off them I feel like I’m in a dream and everything is understimulating and I don’t want to do the things I usually do. I just want to stay in my bed where it’s safe and not scary. I feel pretty unsafe off my meds because before I was on them, I suffered a lot with the ADHD mood swings during the day, where I’d go from feeling hopeful to feeling utterly hopeless 30 times a day. While I still have them slightly on meds, they are so much stronger off them. I’m also just exhausted and feel like I’m watching the world from the inside of my brain, as if I’m watching TV through my eyes.

I hoped missing them meant I got some appetite back, but I’m just a bit too anxious to eat still.

I will definitely make it through today but I want to be prepared for next time I might miss them. I know it’s also important to take “medicine-vacations” (as my psych calls it) where you don’t take your meds for a while to give your brain a break.

What do you do to cope when you miss a dose? How do you exist?