Today I was cleaning after I had procrastinated everything for the last 2 days.. For some reason cleaning reminds me of my grandmother, and how she used to say that "if you clean a little each day, you'll be neat. Wouldn't you rather clean everyday for 30 minutes than clean for hours on the weekend?" Actually no, because my brain does not work like that. My brain has 2 modes: working and not working. It's to switch between them unless I'm motivated to. Also, I dont know how she used to clean the entire kitchen (dishes, sweeping, wiping counters) in 30 minutes, I can barely do the dishes in that time. It feels like nothing is actually getting done when I do "a little each day."

I started to think about when I was in college. I had this 400 level molecular and cellular class about proteins. The class met twice a week and had an exam about every month. Our entire grade was basically from 4 exams. I feel like people's advice would be study a little each day or at least once a week for the exam. Thats not what I did. I would start studying 2-3 days before the exam, going 2-3 hours a time. I literally could condense 12 hours of a material to 3 hours and still get an A on the exam. Sometimes I wouldn't even show up to class and still be able to get an A. I don't know how, because studying 4 weeks of material into 4 hours sounds like absolute insanity, but that worked for me. Studying 15-20 minutes a day would not have worked.

I don't know why I haven't applied to other things in my life. Like why do I hold myself up to other people's standards. If I was living on my own, I would meal prep my dinners, and clean only every 2-3 days. If I had to cook dinner for myself everyday I'd just end up eating cereal or peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for dinner almost every night. Putting pressure on myself to clean everyday, or to do a list of things everyday is too much for some reason. I always end up doing nothing but scrolling on my phone while mentally stressing on everything I should do.