I’m 30 years old, and I’m starting to think of some boundaries that I have considering my new diagnosis. I think it’s important that I have a partner that’s understanding and supportive of my ADHD. One thing that’s on my mind though in particular is the shame that I have surrounding my adhd. I’ve spent so many years thinking that there’s something wrong with me, and that I should feel bad for this thing that is wrong with me. I think that unpacking this shame is going to be my main focus in therapy.

One particular boundary that I’m thinking I want to set is that I want to not apologize for my attention when conversing with my partner and for certain other adhd symptoms where there is not necessarily harm caused to my partner. But I’m not sure if this is a healthy boundary or not.

My logic is that by repeatedly apologizing for certain adhd symptoms it will lead to emotional harm of myself. Apologies carry an implication of fault, and constantly feeling at fault for something I can’t control while I’m seeking the right medication for me might reinforce negative self-perceptions. By avoiding the apologies I can help protect my emotional well-being and reduce the feeling of shame surrounding it.

Instead what I am thinking of proposing is when in situations where my attention wanders for instance, I would acknowledge that it happened, empathize with them and tell them that I know it’s frustrating but reassure them that I’m taking accountability by seeking the proper treatment for it.

What do you think? And what other boundaries do you have in regards to your adhd?