Right so, I've honestly felt really guilty about it for the past day or so and I want to actually understand what's actually happening. Yesterday, I had a French class at 4PM and I was with this woman, 5 years older than me, in her mid-20s lash out at me because she was trying to rag me on. She said "Why are you looking (visibly) anxious etc etc". Of course, I felt like she was doing it out of concern but my extremely crashed brain seemed to think that it was a tease and I accidentally screamed at her very loudly, and it's just... idk. I immediately said sorry for what I've done, and she continued to rag me like "You're NOT sorry" and it elevated until I had a full breakdown.

I had a lecture at 8 so I had to take concerta at 7 and the French class was definitely during/just after the initial crash. It's just... I guess disheartening that people don't understand the mental state that you are in at that moment. I tried to explain, but she just shut me out and saying that I'm egotistical and can't read clues. (I am probably autistic but not really seeking for a formal diagnosis because it's honestly pretty scary to be diagnosed as autistic, cause it might disqualify me from government positions & jobs.)

I don't really know what to do at this point. I felt like I was verbally abusive and a nuisance to others. I've tried my best to just contain it but my stimulation-deprived brain just wants to do something in the afternoon so I'm not stuck in bed; like I feel like there's a prerogative to actually do more than I'm doing right now since I just graduated high school and I have not much else to do, cause I only have one or two hours of work per day.

Thank you in advance, everyone.