I'm going to community college as an absolutely horrific student and it scares me I'm going to fail again. I had a really tough time in high school. My parents got divorced, my ADHD wasn't being treated, and I got a brain injury. I just worry that with all of my conditions and poor memory that I'm going to fail again just like I did in high school. I would always put things off and if I was given two weeks to do an assignment I'd do it on the bus ride to school the morning of along with the rest of my homework due that day, which I always did on the bus.

I failed high school so bad that I'm going to need to take an English placement test because of how poorly I did in high school, and I'm a native speaker. I just got my EKG done and so I'm hopefully going to start ADHD medication soon. I will say I never really tried, but at the same time it also feels like I never could. I just couldn't focus to save my life, even on things that I enjoy. For example I'm trying to learn Hebrew and German and I just can't for the life of me focus on actually learning. I'm either using my phone, or getting distracted over some other pitiful thing. Even when I want to learn something and I choose the subject I still can't motivate myself to learn.

All I do is walk around aimlessly in circles because apparently I just have trouble sitting down and staying focused for prolonged periods of time. I'm actually walking right now as I type this. I just couldn't make myself give a damn unless there was a deadline right in front of me. I just have that incredible ability to put off pressing things I really should do. I've been told I am smart but lazy multiple times by many people, and just generally for the life of me I can't seem to put in the work, and it makes me feel feel defective.