reading this back makes me so emotional 😩 I am existentially grateful for my diagnoses and medication now.

A Damn Hard Day

blurred vision through the windshield under the influence of nothing or maybe something but it's not what you think. My mind's been pushed to the brink; it's been a long day. but it's only 2:00pm. "how are you always tired?" I don't know how to respond. I have no excuse, I slept a lot. So I just keep moving along with my brain in a fog. In my head it's like a never-ending blog read aloud the inner monologue will not stop. there's always something; a past conversation. a song. a traumatic memory I thought was long gone. a trigger for something bigger; my brain's only mode is survival. now I'm shaking my heart is quaking where did this come from? I'm not tired anymore it feels like someone's pounding on the door and the door is my rib cage I can't breathe, I need to breathe. We'll try again another day and hope one day things will look a little less gray.

k.j.