This past week I had my 2nd session. I really appreciate that, so far she seems like she gets me. I realizing that it helps me understand stuff better when I know the source. I am not sure why that is but It kinda helps me process.

During my session we got to talking about repetition compulsion. If you dont know what that is, and please correct me if I'm wrong, but its a trauma response of repeating the same traumatic thing over and over again. We also talked about how, that even as infants, our bodies can retain trauma. We also talked about how ADHD is just basically a chemical imbalance as we know. So that lead me to ask these questions and please bare with me, they are loaded questions.

" If repetition compulsion is just doing the same thing over and over, wouldn't that make me by definition insane?"

"If my adhd is a chemical imbalance, how can I trust any decision I make and if the fact all I've known is nothing but trauma so far back as infancy that its apart of my body, how can I break something so ingrained into the literal fiber of my being?"

"And if all I all the decisions I've made have been a response to that source trauma, How do I trust myself into not throwing myself into another cycle?"

I know those are heavy questions for the second session, But I haven't been able to stop thinking about them. I didn't get a chance to ask her, but could this be anxiety as well? I know no one can give me the answers, I have to do that, but is this normal when trying to make the changes you want? I hope this make sense. Thanks yall