Does anyone else feel this? I (19m) struggle intensely with self-worth and feel like the only way I will ever be worth anything is if I am perfectly efficient. I feel worthless if I am not punctual, flawless, and optimal at all times. So, whenever I waste time, I get so hung up on the time that I wasted, that I end up stewing in self-hatred and waste even more time.

The same is true with anger, and that is usually how I end up like this. I just went on a 9 match losing streak in tekken, called everyone in the chat worthless, cursed and cussed them like dogs, and then just broke down crying and despising every fiber of myself. I ended up sobering up and realized I had wasted over an hour of time that I do not have a lot of till I get busy again.

I could have had fun. I could have done ANYTHING to feel happy. And instead I wasted it. I wasted it like I waste everything else. I'm sorry for this post and for being upset. I just want to be better.