So for years I've carried this shame about having ADD/ADHD. I remember being embarrassed being in the Special Ed classes, having those IEP meetings I kinda feel as if being in those classes really didn't get me ready for college properly. I have a really hard time really paying attention when it come to school work. I'd forget to due homework. I am not the best at keeping up with apps or journaling. I feel like I lack discipline because my mind literally can't focus on one thing. I am 32 and I feel like I am so behind in life. I've jumped from job to job over the past 15 years. I don't have a career, I am technically homeless and I just dont know what to do.

I've been toying with the idea of trying to get re-evaluated and seeing if meds help. I did take some kind of medication(I think Adderall?) when I was in high school. But I hated how it made me feel and stopped. But I am at my wits end. I feel like my life is out of control and ADHD in at the center of the chaos. I just don't really know how to bring this up to anyone. Like I know I was diagnosed when I was kid, but is this something that you have to constantly update?

I feel like my ADHD is like my horcrux. Its the center of my inability to make a decision, My job hopping, being terrible with my money and bills, this fear of failing. I just find it some hard to get in a position in life where I am stable. I just feel like if I don't figure something out I am going to be stuck in this position or worse.

I hope this make sense but I struggle with not wanting to making this my whole personality because I am aware of what is going on. I know why I'm struggling, but I feel like people do thing this is real? Does that make sense? Its like I don't know where to go to ask for help for this now that I am an adult. I feel like if go to my doctor and say this, say what I am feeling i'd be taken seriously. I also feel like with my insurance talking to psychiatrist isn't included.