Hi everyone,

I'm 24 and was recently diagnosed with ADHD. My friends had been suggesting it for months, but I didn't take it seriously until a kitchen incident—left oil on the stove and got distracted by a book, resulting in a fire. Now, I'm paying for the damage and have been kicked out, crashing on friends' couches for weeks.

I've been severely addicted to weed and cigarettes, and recently started taking acid too frequently, but I've managed to cut back on that. I moved overseas a year ago for my master's degree, but I've made no personal progress. I haven't submitted any assignments, attended classes, or made any friends. I spend all my time alone, smoking in my room.

I'm in a long-distance relationship, and my girlfriend is doing everything to help me, but I'm getting worse. She even booked a therapy session for me, which I attended and found helpful. I booked another but skipped it twice without any reason. Seeing my girlfriend's desperation to help me broke me. She urged me to quit weed and manage my ADHD before it ruins my life. She said she'd stay with me as long as she can, but I need to take action.

I took a business course, but I have zero interest or knowledge in it. My parents took a loan to send me abroad, hoping I'd improve our financial situation, but I've only made things worse. I'm now dealing with suicidal thoughts for the first time, which is terrifying. I isolate myself more each day and have no motivation to face my professors, knowing I'll fail this semester.

I'm not sure if I'm depressed, but I'm sad all the time and cry easily. I need to get better for my family—they don't deserve this. But I'm stuck in a loop of thinking and not acting. I forget everything, even what I ate for dinner last night.

I'm at rock bottom and confused. Is it ADHD or just me being lazy and unmotivated? I love music, write and compose in Hindi, and bought a mic and midi keyboard to pursue it, but I've barely touched them. I never wanted to study business; I wanted to be a musician, but I realized that too late.

I'm fed up with myself and don't know what to do. I've wasted a year abroad with no progress or social life. I know not everyone gets this opportunity, and I feel immense guilt. I need to do better but can't seem to figure out how.

Sorry for the long and disorganized post; I wrote as thoughts came to my head. Any advice or guidance would mean a lot. Thanks for reading.

PS: I also sometimes compose music in Hindi and would love to connect with anyone interested in that!

Thank you all in advance. Your support means the world to me.