Hello everyone,

I've been battling depression now for as long as i can remember. I'm 27 now ive been medicated since 2018 tried all kinda of anti psychotics and anti depressants took xanax for anxity nothing worked and the ones that did actually work made be stable for like two to three months maximum. And now my psychiatrist tells me that i actually have adhd im also medicated snri and something else I don't recall its name now. My point is now im not in a low mood at all im stable enough but i really dont wanna live? Not in a depressive way but i dont think this life is for me? To give u an example about how i feel... imagine if were in a relationship with someone who you dont match with mentally, emotionally and physically and u just wanna end it not because u hate them but just because you two aren't a match. I've always had suicidal thoughts but they were always caused by pain and depression, this time its different this is the first time that i think this way, that me and life we just don't get along and we never will. Its as simple as this. And for context i have a very good life, a dream job with a great salary ( that i quit last week ) great friends and an amazing family.

Now that I realize that, I don't know what to do with it this idea has been stuck in my head for months now and even if i did go ahead with it like i dont know how to? I dont wanna commit suicide in a way that will hurt everyone around me i just wanna die peacefully. I dont want anyone to blame themselves. I want something that will just put me to sleep. I just can't tell anyone about it and I won't.

I'm saying this because i wanna know if anybody felt this way before? I'm really planning to do this but i dont know how to? live in a very conservative country we don't have these option's available.