I wanna be apart of this community, it feels fun and really exciting but I keep feeling so gross and guilty and it makes me wonder if I should. Like it’s pounding in my mind “this is wrong, this isn’t meant for adult, you are disgusting, you are going to be punished” I keep feeling like a monster or something and it makes me so hurt. I’m so scared of it and hate how much it rules over my life, I keep asking myself if this is wrong or if this is right. I’m sorry if to anyone reading this it makes you uncomfortable or sad or just flat out you didn’t wanna read something like this tonight, I just don’t know where else to talk about this. I just want to be happy in my own skin and have someone tell me it’s okay, but instead I just feel like I’m meant to suffer and deal with this fear forever. What scares me so much is that in my mind, I’ve associated these things with kids, and I feel so wrong and gross for it, like if that makes sense it’s what makes me feel so guilty.