I feel like I hate myself… I crave this and I mean the funny thing is that I don’t crave the AB part of this it’s just the DL part. And when I do crave the DL part it’s me wanting a woman that I am intimate with to control me… to have complete power over me and fucking humiliate me, because for some level deep down that makes me feel like she loves me. Because I know that no woman could ever really love me.

The thing that I really want deep down is to feel like someone cares… to be held and told “everything’s going to be okay” I want to feel like I can have someone to actually lean on I want to know someone truly understands me.

I told my friends about this kink thing and they are all extremely understanding and accepting and say things like “who cares what you do in private… it’s your life” But I want to meet someone that actually understands how it feels that is okay with me as who I am because fuck I’m not and I don’t know how to be…

I know that there are people out there who feel alike and I just need some advice please… I feel so alone and lost.