I DO NOT mean "unpotty training." I cannot emphasize that enough.

I've identified as an ABDL for a loooong time, and for all of my adulthood, certainly. I had an obsession with diapers and being babied before that. This has been a major part of my life, my relationships, and my sex life always. I love you people.

I can't even relate to the people who go through the "binge purge cycle," because I've never once felt the need to throw it all away or leave this behind... Until...

Six years ago I was in an accident and suffered a spinal cord injury. I had some bladder issues up front, that went away over maybe eight weeks. That's typical due to the shock to the spine.

Three-ish years ago I started having bladder issues again. I saw a urologist. I started testing (urodynamics, prostate, etc.). Testing was a process that took several months. I was eventually referred back to my spinal doctor and a neurologist. I was diagnosed with a neurogenic bladder.

Over the past year, my symptoms went from pretty bad to intrusive. None of the meds helped. I'm not eligible for surgery. Occupational therapy was a waste of everyone's time. E-stim seemed like pseudoscience and didn't have an impact at all... For right now, the best options for me are lifestyle changes and then diapers/catheters to avoid pissing myself.

Frankly, I'm losing interest in the ABDL world and wearing diapers now that my choice is gone. I used to get so much joy and fulfillment from this part of my life and now I'm just disgusted with myself. Part of me feels like this community glorifies incontinence in a way that I didn't understand before my accident and the onset of my symptoms. I know this isn't necessarily true. However, my heart drops when I see people wishing incontinence upon themselves. I even hate coming home to the big box sitting outside my door after a diaper delivery, because yet again I'm faced with the fact that my body is failing me.

Diapers are more convenient than pissing myself. They're less convenient than using the toilet. For example, changing at work in a public bathroom is straight up horrible. These are the best accommodations my job can offer me for now, unless they make a private bathroom for me specifically. I walk around with my waist insulated in a 100 degree factory. I have to filter all my interactions through "getting caught." It's not fun any more. It's not pleasurable at all. I'm over it.

I'm not going to injure myself or get an infection because of a catheter and the sleeve catheters are a joke.

I'm not done.

I know deep down my connection to this world is in me somewhere. Im in therapy. I'm confident I'll find my love for wearing diapers again eventually. I'm still here. I'm still searching for partners in this community. This is something I think I can work through. Being an ABDL again would help me brighten my life up sooo much.

I was wondering if anyone else has been through a similar transition. I could use a little bit of support and understanding.

I just want to add that I'm aware of the incontinence subreddit. I've lurked but avoid them. They don't like ABDLs over there at all. I do enjoy how some members of that subreddit. have learned to accept their condition and embrace diapers, without the kink or ABDL lifestyle. I feel like if I can achieve that kind self acceptance regarding my incontinence, with the ABDL aspect completely shut off, that I might help me eventually work back into this community. Thoughts?