Hey all, it’s me again!

This time I have a weirder question to figure out. I want to know what I am dynamic-wise.

When I was really little, I was fascinated yet incredibly avoidant of diapers at times. There was a push/pull in my brain and there was the always intrusive thoughts of wearing, or enacting babyish/diaper stuff very very early.

Through my teen years it seemed to be almost always sexual, as it didn’t seem my body thought of it in any other way (or in any other way for my brain to process it).

But as I’ve become an adult, it seems that it’s possibly not like that to me at all? For example, more often than not I see it as completely pointless and weird to wear to “get off” and I feel the mix to be incredibly jarring and uncomfortable.

This, combined with how much I want littlespace and wearing to be perceived as just a normal part of my everyday life that isn’t inherently sexual, makes me think some kind of agere? But I feel weird saying it’s agere when it seems when I was younger, it seems like my body saw it the opposite? Even now my body seems to give mixed signals, as content online with diapers is exciting, but wearing itself I don’t want to have be exciting, I just want it to be normalized to my brain. It makes me feel like imposter syndrome and I’m like a fetishist hanging out with a bunch of non-sexual people being therapeutic. But that’s what I want it to feel like however!

Me and my boyfriend enjoy ddlg as a sexual dynamic (I do not wear during ddlg stuff) which is heavily separated in my brain from littlespace, and my bf is aware of this difference.

But this is my conundrum. I have so many mixed signals and feelings happening with things like wearing, and it is really upsetting because I want it to be a nice and peaceful non sexual activity part of my non sexual littlespace and then at times I feel like I’m partaking in a fetish, whether it be because my body is throwing mixed signals or I feel, due to my past interactions vs current interactions with them, imposter syndrome or even guilt/shame when in agere communities.

If someone can help me with this I’d be so very grateful. Trying to navigate this space after literal years of my body attempting to suppress my little side and wearing has made me start to think about what my interest in them is and if maybe I have simply been looking in the wrong regions or labeling myself incorrectly. Thank you all for your help in this, it is greatly appreciated!