Ever since I broke up with my ex (who was also one of the only people to know about my kinky side, and was within the community herself), it's been really difficult for me to sorta re-light that fire to go out and meet new friends in this community, and put myself out there for potential relationship in CG/L relationships. I broke up with her right before Christmas time in 2022. She was my first true girlfriend, and for almost 2 and a half years at that.

It was a rocky breakup for me, I really did love her and was really comfortable with her, and it just so happened she wasn't the most faithful to our relationship unfortunately. I initially caught on when she started taking advantage of my kindness (asking to pay for really expensive things, etc). I caught her cheating and me being myself I tried to make it work, but it was too much. Then when I brought it up, she was super upset with me, and sorta just threw the kitchen sink at me before cutting me off completely, even though I wanted to stay friends.

Now when I plan to go out to events, or plan to try and reach out to people I think I would mesh well with, I just almost feel sick? I get into this anxious lonely state, where I kinda talk myself out of putting myself out there. It seems like it happens every time, and I'll try pushing myself, but it just makes it worse and worse

I don't really know where to go from here... Is this normal to feel?