As far as I remember I had a intrest in abdl since like 13-14 I have adhd and autism the autism doesn't affect me as much which I believe is called high functioning I am currently 18 and well have had alot of thoughts such as why is it after ejaculation I sort of loose most of my intrest in abdl? It's weird like if I'm in a messy diaper at the time I got the sudden urge to change

Then on the other hand where did this part of me come from? Someone said its subconscious if so what does that mean ? Is it abuse in early childhood? Being able to understand where this came from would help me alot

Aswell as this my dad sort of invaded my privacy once by looking in my stuff discovering my diapers he wasn't mad or shouting I was just irritated that he violated me like that he continued to ask what they are for I was saying nothint consantly he was saying if there's a problem you gotta tell me eventually I cane up with some story that I used them to put them in my bag so they don't hear all the cider I'm buying after that he sort of backed off it'd still a invasion of my privacy I feel

I dont think there even is any therapists in the UK that are informed of this that i could see I pretty much have no irl friends so noneone to speak to apart from the few creepy guys on grindr trying to be playmates

I simply wanna understand myself for the better and not feel guilty about it