Despite fabrications by foreign press services reporting the contrary, the glorious Russian Empire is not in a state of famine.

The particularly harsh winter this year has had surprisingly little impact on crop and livestock yield and government reports in fact show a 10% increase in wheat, pork, cabbage and potato output in the agricultural sector. God has smiled upon us and granted us his blessings.

Reports of peasant rebellions in the southern and mid-eastern provinces of the Empire are equally as unfounded, and can be nothing but the result of foreign usurpers and troublemakers determined to overthrow the Tsar and destroy this proud nation.

We would like to remind you that any reports to the contrary of what is stated in this report are clearly actions of subversion and treason and may be punished by summary incarceration or execution.

Long live Russia! Long live the Tsar!