There's probably going to be things not really pertaining to this group, but this really is my favorite sub and group. So apologies for some rambling or just general questions.

I really think for me, the ideal man and woman relationship will never be part of my life experiences. I'm 39 next month and have two wonderful kids. I have been with their mother for 15 years, we love each other, but we just can't figure out how to make it work. I will always make sure she's cared for and we both want to make sure kids have full access to us both.

I had this idea in my head that separate houses on a shared plot of land would be the way to go. We'd be close, kids could go between houses whenever they want. I could run things how I want and she could run things how she wants.

I'd have some privacy and my own space, and build up my parallel kinda traditional style life. I told myself that would be a way to solve my loneliness and depression.

Side bar: depression and loneliness can be crushing. I left those subs because it seems like people there would rather just bitch about it than actually DO something about it. You're depressed....ok, what are you doing about it? Lonely....what are you doing about it. Life is not always a quick fix thing. Sometimes things take years and years. Just like a child physically growing, sometimes we have to grow mentally and emotionally, and sometimes that is going to be painful.

Back to my fantasy....I am all for an age gap relationship, but do agree with a study I read somewhere that 10 years is going to have more problems than normal. I had a mental range of 10 years for myself, but I just don't see it ever happening. I thought I would be open to the idea of having more kids with a future partner, but as I get older, I really don't want to be an "old" dad. By the time I found someone I would even consider having kids with, I think I will not want to based on my age. The two I have now already seem to require more time and attention than I can give and still feel like I am worth a shit as a father. Trying to have more I think, for me, would only make me feel like more of a failure than I already do....I know I'm not, but I just wish I was able to give my children more quality time and experiences....but that's something I am working towards with my business.

So, for many of the posts I see about wanting to have a bunch of babies, that's already a bit of a laugh because it's vastly different when you go through one pregnancy, or multiple, and you are raising children....especially when so many people like me have shit for a family support system.

I really think what I desire from the 50s style relationship is to just feel loved, respected, and appreciated....to be that family leader.

If you bothered to read this, thanks for listening. I hope you all have a Merry Christmas.