I have no idea why I been feeling my life is doomed and over. I’m 21 going on 22 in a few months. This entire year has been an insane roller coaster. In the beginning of the year I met someone for the first time since high school, we hit it off, things went great, next thing you know we’ve been dating 5 months, what more can go wrong? Turns out she was unfaithful and cheated, then tries to flip it on me that I was cheating too. It’s been like 3-5 months since that happened, I don’t like to remember it. And I hate the fact that I’m not over it, like it’s been months already since it’s happened and I’m not over it.

I also hate the fact that I let that whole situation consume me as well. I stopped going out with my only friend that was down to hang whenever, now we aren’t close and I blame myself for that. My other friend lives across the country so it’s not like I can go stop by his house and hangout.

I hate that I started smoking again cause i was doing so good when I stopped and boom here I am again. I’ve become socially awkward ever since I’ve isolated myself, I only ever stay home and don’t go out, I try going out alone and I can’t do it.

I also have no idea what I’m doing with my life. I dropped out of college earlier this year and my dad suggested I reapply and go back to at least try and get an idea as to what at least interests me. Before he even told me that I was already suggesting going back, I feel like this is the universe telling me to go back so I’ll be looking into it.

I know that I’m overthinking everything right now and creating a much bigger problem in my head cause reading everything back these issues will be long gone and dealt with before I know it.

I been looking at downs lately about myself but I been trying to look at the goods I have that other people wish they could have. I have it way easier than other people my age. But I just truly hate that I’ve created this illusion in my head that just because I’m dealing with very small issues it’s like my life’s over now.

I’ve considered therapy alongside the college thing and I know it’s a good idea to go but I’m just so nervous.