When i was younger, i didn't actually care about what i look like. I didn't care if i look good or if i look ugly. No one really bullied me for my looks when i was younger, so i assumed that i atleast looked decent or average.

When i entered college, there is this one guy who would always jokingly say that i am ugly and unattractive. I didn't really take it seriously at first, but as i look at the mirror more and more, i am slowly realizing that his statements were probably half-meant.

My face is filled with acne scars and somewhat huge scars from chickenpox. And for some reason, i have a double chin, which looks really horrible on me. Im kinda weirded out that i have a double chin because i am kinda skinny. I actually look somewhat decent if u look at me in front of my face, but if u look at my side profile, you'll see how unattractive my face really is. Scars everywhere, double chin becoming very evident, and i just look really weird in general. My hair is also a mess. I am nowhere close to our society's definition of "good looking".

Being gay is also making my unattractiveness feel like a huge disaster. From what i see everywhere, only cute and buff gay guys get to be in relationships. I envy them. I wish i could have someone in my life, but with this face? i don't even know anymore. Every gay guy just have astronomically high standards.

I just find it unfair that i am actually able to love and care for anyone regardless of what they look like. Don't get me wrong, a pretty face is easier to like and adore, but a beautiful and understanding heart is much more important to me, but it seems like people with this kind of mindset are rare.

I just wish that i have a friend in real life who i can ask to finally confirm once and for all if i really look ugly or not.

I wish i was prettier... Im tired of believing that looks don't matter to people.