Wow, the last two months have been one hell of a ride. I don't even know where to begin.

I'll start with I am almost positive that a girl that I met at work was into me, so I began flirting. I will admit, I absolutely am terrible at flirting, but she seemed to laugh at all my idiot comments. I never would have even considered she was into me, except she fixed my collar one day and I was like, this beautiful, impressive woman was somehow into me and jeez, was I fucking wrong. On Thursday to Friday an exchange of messages went way south, although this idiot thought it was going way north. She proceeded to get way sexual with me, and I was trying to keep it PG, when she asked me if I have ever had intercourse with someone who I wasn't attached to. She at least prefaced it with, I have a very inappropriate question to ask you, so I thank her for that. I would say I blame miscommunication, but I don't even think that was a thing. I think I wanted more than she wanted and she fucking let me go out with her twice, while she had a boyfriend, which I only found out about this morning, though a social media post. Come on, why the hell did she not say something?

Oh, but wait, it gets fucking better. She even said there was no one else one night, shortly after our first "date", which through me for even more of a loop. Then on our second "date" she proceeded to tell me her schedule and how much she liked hanging out with me and we even spent more than 6 hours sitting and chatting. She even asked for me to let her go to a place I was visiting, which of course I told her I would.

Now, you might say, did you notice signs? Oh yes I did. I noticed that she was hot and cold. I honestly have no fucking idea and I am so pissed at myself for falling for someone that was so obviously too good for me. Am I low? I will admit, yes. This is going to sound so INCEL like of me, but I really don't get how women act sometimes. Case in point, even with my ex-wife, she let me date her while she was married to another guy, she let me help her financially. When I proposed was when she said she needed to take care of something. I found out later what that something was, she had to get divorced. So, yes, I am beyond low. I literally put up with a load of shit for, and I hate to say this, a 2 when honestly, because I am not much myself, maybe a 4. I don't even know what the fuck I am doing anymore.

I really honestly would like to find someone who chooses me first above anyone else. I honestly think I will never actually have that.

Fuck people in general. I am too old fashioned for this place.