Jaded

            Dear (ex)Beloved,

It is honestly hard to write a nice opener for this letter… My heart still desires your acceptance, yet what is contained in my skull longs for your demise.

How can you live with yourself? Broken promises, unjust lies, and continued betrayal. As a man of my word it is impossible to fathom your thought process. Thrice you assured me no other had your heart… Three times I believed you. The entirety of my being was put into making you the happiest woman alive, every time I delivered you asked for more and continued to test how far I would go for you. Apparently through hell and back wasn’t enough.

I have experienced all that you have to offer as a lover and a friend… Quite frankly all of those you surround yourself with have. Them keeping you at a distance, as I know they do, is probably in their best interest. I cannot say I have anything to show for being your man other than embarrassment and a camera roll full of superficial memories.

My faith teaches me not to judge others, your faith teaches you that those who are not cut, and dry protestants are undeserving of your time. Jesus washed the feet of those that worshiped him and welcomed lepers. You treated me as a lesser individual because of the name of my denomination… You do not even have a denomination, your family picks and chooses what best suits them. A family supposedly connected by their faith attends separate churches, of separate denominations, at separate times, and then passes judgement on those who question their so called, “wisdom.”

In your home the blind lead the blind… I saw how truly lacking in foresight you were when I attempted to read the bible with you. Instead of discourse there was silence, those wishing to truly grow in their faith ask questions. You hated when I related a lesson in the Bible to an experience in my life… This is exactly how the Bible is supposed to be used... To be Christian is to attempt to lead a life like Christ, not to scold others for the shortcomings in their own faiths. I have never done anything for anyone out of fear I was going to hell, never once have I gone out of my way to help someone thinking that would show God I was worthy of heaven. I did that because I truly care for my fellow man and am trying to follow in the footsteps of the only roll model worthy of my time.

God does not ask us to be perfect, he asks us to be okay at best… He gave us rules to follow and when we break them, he forgives us. God understands our doubts and all the troubles we face more than we can even imagine. He knew the troubles you and I would face the first day of creation. Never did I believe you were unworthy of my time because you could not accept that you are “saved” (Which is the entire basis of your belief) but because I never asked you to read the bible I was unworthy of yours.

You should have known my faith: every time you wronged me and I forgave you; every time you asked me, an “unbeliever” to pray for you; every time I treated you as I wanted you to treat me.

I tried; I really did. I just wanted you to think I was worth it.

Your Ex,

BR