By the time I was 18 I knew I was bi-curious. It had started with a few ads for gey phone sex lines in the back of ill gotten porn magazines, the kind with only a phone number and picture of a muscle stud with a huge hard cock. I found myself oddly drawn to them. Then I started noticing the cocks in the hardcore magazines, the power that seemed to eminate from them, the way the women seemed to get so much pleasure from the mere act of being penetrated. Cocks started to seep into my masturbatory fantasies, not men mind you, just cocks.

One day, shortly after graduating high school I was doing some yard work for my folks and got to talking to my neighbor. Usual middle class dad type, our families were fairly close and they were good neighbors. During the conversation he made reference to a park just a few blocks from where we lived and to what goes on there. Being young and naive to the ways of the world I was confused and expressed as much to him. He very briefly, and in a way only a reserved middle aged man could have, explained to me that the park was a cruising spot for gay men. Now at this point I hadn’t learned about cruising and he didn’t use the term, it would be a few more years before I learned that part, but I instantly started making plans to visit the park some night very soon.

My chance came a few weeks later, on a cool July evening. I told my parents I was going for a walk, not an uncommon thing for me to do, and headed out. I took the long way around, looping through some woods before I got to where I was going. The park was a big one, but the area in question was a parking lot next to a small lake that served as access to the fishing dock. There were a few cars parked and I saw a few men milling around. I had no idea what happened or how to make it happen so after walking around the area once or twice I found a picnic table, sat down and lit a cigarette.

As I finished my smoke, a man came over and started making some small talk. My heart was racing as we chatted. I was excited, nervous, unsure and didn’t even know if anything was going to happen. Eventually, he said he was going to take a walk back to the woods and asked I wanted to join him. I connected the dots since the picnic table I was still sitting on wasn’t more than 20 or 30 feet from the parking lot and in the edge of the glow from the street light. I agreed, stood up, and took the first step towards my journey as a cocksucker.

I should take a moment to describe myself, at the time I was just over six feet tall, maybe 180 lbs and fairly athletic with a mop of dirty blond hair on top of my head. The man I was following into the darkness was probably in his late thirties, close to my height, decently fit, dark hair with some grey coming in on the sides, and a two day beard. We walked a good ways until we came to a stand of pine trees that he seemed to think was a good spot. It was quite dark and we were standing very close together. He slowly reached a hand out and cupped my groin, I was nervous and only half hard but it was electric. Taking my cue from him I did the same and suddenly was touching the first cock that wasn’t my own, even if it was through his blue jeans.

He seemed to like what I was doing with my hand as the more I stroked him through his pants the less he stroked me. Before long he was opening his fly and pushing his pants and underwear down. He took my hand and placed it back on his cock, I was fascinated by how smooth and hot it was. At this point I don’t remember if he gently pushed me to my knees or I fell to them on my own but there I was, kneeling before a man whose name I didn’t know, his hard cock inches in front of my face. He wasn’t huge, maybe six inches, circumsized and with a pronounced curve to the left. I remember thinking in the moment that it was shaped almost like a banana. Funny the details that stick with you through the years.

I leaned forward and licked the head, then took it in my mouth. I’d never had a blowjob before, much less given one, so I was only going off of what I had read on the erotica sites I’d managed to find my way to, watch the teeth, use your tongue, suck it. I’m sure it was terrible but he seemed into it. Maybe it was just the fact that there was some 18yo kid sucking his cock in a public park but after a few minutes he said he was going to cum. It wasn’t a big load but he dropped it right there in my mouth, I spit it out on the ground as I hadn’t yet grown to like the taste as I would in my later years.

When he had put himself away he got down and opened my pants and started to return the favor but I just couldn’t get hard. I figured it was nerves, or the chill of the night air. I would eventually come to realize that it was simply because I’m a total bottom, I don’t want men to service me, I want to service men.

In the following years I would suck a lot of cock in that park, never knowing their names or their stories. To this day, cruising for anonymous encounters is still one of my favorite things to do.