^ w ^ the cover picture is a cute chocolate anime girly w/ squishy thighs bc.. that’s basically me <3 this is the first time i’ve written something like this!!! my real diary is a colourful little notebook with a pink bunny on the front, i’m going to pretend this one is just like that <3 the reason i’m starting this is so i can get some stuff out my silly lil brain and into the universe so that i’ll feel better and maybe my dreams will come true, fingers crossed. but the biggest and first truth is this. i have a confession i need to make. actually i have two. okay maybe three. 1. i want romance and flirting and love 2. i want a father figure more than anything 3. i think i would be okay having both in the same person. it’s really no surprise to me, if i was to write down my life story and publish it, i think everyone would understand and chalk it up to a complicated upbringing and tragic backstory, but it’s really not just that i swear. i was raised on vintage cinema and books, i read gentlemen prefer blondes when i was 10, marilyn monroe was my idol, i didn’t know who the kardashians were till i was 16. in those old movies, the girls were beautiful, but also soft and sweet. the male love interests were often older, wise and protective. the ones i loved were always the mature firm and witty kind. for a girl growing up in the girlboss era, watching everyone in my age group pair up and get their hearts broken by boys (mine was broken once too) I knew that one day i’ll just go to a fancy ball ans charm an older gentleman just like Marilyn did in the movies and he’ll sweep me off my feet and dote on me for the rest of my days! now i’m 18, all grown up and i don’t quite have the starlet level confidence i once did. i still feel like a girl, but more than ever i want to be loved like a woman. I’ve had crushes, innocent ones on older men before, who treated me gently and called me smart, sweet, i’ve been told “If i met a woman just like you closer to my age..” more than once. I used to curse my age and get so frustrated at that, because i’d already be deeply in “love” in my own head by then hehe. Another part of me would get attached to those same kind older men and wish for something entirely different. I’d wish that they would care for me. that they’d take me under their wing, treat me like something that’s completely theirs, love me like family, like a parental figure. like a Daddy. but this isn’t something that’s purely a kink for me, or sexual even. It’s so much more than that. I just crave it so badly, it’s all Iwant for Christmas this year and for the next 10 years! if i can’t have one and two together i would just take 2. For guidance and Dad advice, cuddles and encouraging nods, doting and spoiling, lectures and yes even scolding, i wouldn’t mind if he was grumpy 80% of the time, as long as he adored me and cared for me deeply. to be continued… <3