I usually only truly care about weight/ taking care of self is when I want to look more slender, grow my hair, clean shaven, doing only glute exercises...to keep a feminine look and figure.

recently gave myself an undercut and started to regret it, losing time and work to grow hair in a feminine way.

even in times when my dysphoria is low, when I go clothes shopping, I usually buy more adrog/shorter clothing...but when I wear fem clothing around others, I feel out of place,scared like I look like a fool and clockable...only happy and feel nice wearing alone.

I never knew 100% that I am, but I had these feelings(to different degrees) on and off for 15 years.

what breaks my dysphoria: fear of judgement ( I really can't take judgement well) and loss...and when I don't feel like I "pass" ..based on others reception during Halloween etc. And when I take pictures that make me feel ugly...I guess I want to be more passing than I am

when dysphoria low, and when I explore sexuality, I accept being just bi, but I visualize myself effeminate...