Dear B,

Recently, I've written a lot of unsent letters to a crush. I know she has mesmerised, captivated and inspired me in a lot of ways but I also feel powerless at the situation. The inability to be with her has left me feeling lonely and powerless.

Tonight, I remembered something. I remembered what my therapist told me. Keep bouldering. It gives you power. It makes you feel powerful.

I remember we first met years ago. I was anxious and depressed. I didn't appreciate the subtleties of bouldering. I didn't have the mental fortitude to face such a physical challenge. My mind was too bogged down by negative thoughts from my childhood.

For years, whenever I engaged in sports in public, I can't help but feel judged. I am always taken back to my days as a clumsy child where teachers, other kids and even my own family would make fun of lack of athleticism.

That's where you came in last year. It wasn't love at first sight. It was a slow process where I began to realise that this is a challenge that I'd love to conquer. It took a few sessions at the bouldering gym to made me realise how much I could devote to this sport.

After 6 months of trying, failing and trying again, I feel like I am the one making fun of those who made fun of me all those years ago. In my mid 20s, I feel fitter than ever after a 2 year pandemic stint of being unhealthily overweight and unfit.

Thanks to you, I can do pushups, crunches and I am even trying to do pistol squats now.

Bouldering has become a healthy drug for me. When I am in doubt, when I feel powerless, I remind myself of the challenge I overcome.

I feel like I am not so powerless after all.

Thank you.

Love,

J.