Woke up this morning and I finally accept it.

I accept that guys don't find me attractive. Men don't desire me. From Grindr, to Jack'd, to Tinder, to real life and in-person, guys have never wanted me. I get that now. Even the dudes that I thought possibly liked me, never actually liked me. Those guys, like others only wanted my ass or enjoyed playing with my feelings.

That being said, I am done with guys. Which is ironic given how they never even started with me. But, I'm done holding out hope that a guy will someday find me attractive and want me. That's for other people, and I'm genuinely happy for them. But that's not the life for me, and it hurts, but it's okay. Just a gay guy who likes guys and is never liked by guys.

I've come to this conclusion after a series of dudes on apps who flake and lie. Plus the guys IRL who show no interest in me nor getting to know me. I've never dated, as I've never had the option to.

So yeah. I accept it. I also accept that porn is the closest I'll get to having sexual intimacy and shared pleasure with a dude. But I'll be alright. Always am.

Oh, and I'm done seeking out/persuading/begging to find dudes to trade nudes with and talk to.

Not saying my gayness is a curse or a waste. But hard to find it as a blessing right about now.