Formatting will probably be shit, posting from my cell. Also this is basically going to be a big rant/pitty party, i just dont have anyone else to talk to.

Well guys, my wife told me she wasnt sure if she was in love with me anymore, and wants to try to be a single mom for awhile about two weeks ago, and i moved into a studio apartment pretty much the next monday.

It fucking sucks. The only thing i can do to keep my head on somewhat straight is to just get to a 10 and fucking forget whats going on. That barely works now bc my tolderance has went up high as fuck after smoking these dab pens now.

I keep trying to tell myself moderation, and that im just replacing alcohol with weed, which is better but still not helping the situation. I just want to lose my mind when im sober.

I come home and do the same thing i always did, but now im just so bored. Its so quiet, normally i can hear my kids sleeping on the couch next to me while i relax after work and wait for her to get up and start getting ready. Now all i hear is stomping and doors slamming and at the same time i feel like im the only one in this building. Im just alone.

She was all i had for so long, and i changed so much about myself for her. I never wanted to have kids, i never even wanted to get married. But thats what she wanted, and i love her and wanted to give her everything, so we got married and had kids, and i love them to death and all of a sudden i have to learn how to be a weekend dad.

She wont even tell me that its really over, evrything is answered with idk. The only things she says for sure is that she just wants to be a single mom for now, and isnt talking to anyone new. Which i want to believe her it just seems so crazy to me. Which just leads to constant panic attacks about what shes doing all day. Idk wether i should try to move on, or wait and see if i can get her back. I mean what if i move on and all of a sudden she wants me back but i ruined it bc i found someone. What if it turns out i didnt try hard enough. Its just fucking so...idk i cant put it into words.

Everything is just falling apart, but at the same time a lot of the guys at work who smoke have been comin over and chillin and helping me keep things together. Thats what prompted this, buddy just smoked a fat blunt with me. They dont really know how bad off i am right now, but they know whats goin on and have been helping out anyways.

So like the title says, shout out to all my ent friends helping me keep my shit together. Love all you guys.