I was SAd now I just want to be raped, murdered by some handsome professional

My story is very long but Im banned from entertaining everyone with it in the designated rape kink reddits 😪.

Ive been genuinely victimized in my past and one way or another I had a CNC kink for as long as I can remember. Whenever I meet a friend’s boyfriend I wish he would roofie me and rape me. I fantasize about my managers making me free use. Mostly tho I like the idea of being murdered. I had a married rapist pen pal to talk about this with for a long time online and it was so sexy in spite of being perverse.

Id love to be strangled to death as a man is pumping me full of his hot load. I can be pretty confident, picky and self actualized usually. But it’s hot to get off on the idea of fully surrendering control and losing your leaf to a horned up man. Someone clean cut and respected who has evil desires hiding behind a successful veneer. I listen to a lot of true crime. I can’t help but be titillated at the thought of a handsome stranger hunting me in the truest sense of the word. And Im always horny thinking about it. Even at work or with family.