I'm gonna start by saying that this wasn't today, but actually a couple of years ago. I never talk about it because I hope every day that the people involved simply forgot about it, and I don't want them to be reminded of it ever again. The weight of it has been getting more unbearable every day tho, so I thought maybe I could open up online and at least some random strangers can laugh at my stupidity.

If you're sensitive about the topics of death, loss, funerals, (dark humour??), maybe this isn't the post for you! Well, let's get to it I guess...

Some years ago, a close friend of mine loss their dad, at a pretty young age. It was a horrible time and I was very sad and shocked by the whole situation because we were close and the whole thing was pretty sudden and tragic. I was invited to the funeral along with their family and some other of our friends, and of course wanted to show up to give my support.

It's important to know about me that I am very socially anxious, and get very stressed around lots of people. I also get very stressed in unusual situations and new places. Well, to top all of that off, I also got late to the damn funeral. I know, I'm horrible. I think I couldn't find any taxis or got lost on the way, and the trafic was just specially bad that day, so that made me even more nervous.

I get to the funeral home, everyone sees me entering and comes to the door to greet me. It was just a couple of days after the actual death, so everyone was still very shaken up and sad, looking down, the usual thing. I guess my defence mecanism for stressful situations is trying to be funny, because as people were greeting me, my brain decides this is the perfect time for a joke. "Sorry for being late" I say. "The trafic was so bad I almost died on my way trying to get here!". Everyone is silent for a second, then the cerimony goes on. Being ignored, I stop to think and realize for my horror what I just said. If you haven't guessed already, yes, the deceased died at a car accident. And it seems like I just made a joke about it, to the friends and family, at a funeral.

I hate myself to this day, I'm a horrible person. If anyone involved reads this: I am so, so deeply sorry.

TL;DR: I joked about the trafic being so bad that I almost died as an excuse for being late to a funeral of a victim of a car accident. I'm a monster.