This happened many years ago, when I was but a young man in college. But the story actually starts about 18 years before that, when I was a baby.

Like most kids, I hated getting soap in my eyes in the bath. Even the gentle “baby shampoo” would send me into a rage. My dad, being the intrepid problem solving sort with a penchant for over engineering, came up with a sort of 360 degree visor that my hair would stick through. Then, they could wash my hair and the soapy water would just roll off. It was great. It kind of looked like a flower on my head, so my parents would say I was “flowering while showering.”

Eventually, the OG visor got mildew and was disposed of, but my dad made a few over the years. He ultimately stopped when he decided that I should be able to wash my hair without getting soap in my eyes, but I wasn’t having it and started making my own. Over time, “flower hats” for this exact purpose became mass produced and I switched over to just buying them as needed. Never got soap in my eyes! It was great!

Well, by the time I was 20 and living in my own apartment in college, I still hadn’t kicked the ol’ flower hat. I was flowering while showering every day, living my best life. Cue a cute girl staying at my place and suggesting we take a shower together before fucking. She asked me to wash her hair and brush conditioner through it, which apparently felt really good to her and was a major turn on. When I was done, she offered to wash my hair. I didn’t think that would do anything for me, but I said “sure!”

I then reached out of the shower for the drawer where I kept my flower hat and put it on. At first she laughed and thought I was joking, even after I explained what it was. But then I think she noticed how it looked kind of old and used and faded, and that it would be strangely elaborate to keep a flower hat in my bathroom for the occasional joke.

To her credit, she washed my hair while I wore it. We didn’t end up having sex that night—I can’t remember her explanation—but after she left the next morning she didn’t return my calls or AIM messages.

I didn’t stop flowering while showering immediately after that. I would just say, “oh, I washed my hair already” if the situation came up again. But when I met my now-wife, I knew it was time to give it up. So I no longer flower while I shower, I just live with the occasional pain of getting soap in my eyes.

But you better believe that when we had kids, I immediately got them flower hats. My wife thinks they’re brilliant. She has no idea of my dark past. And every once in a while I look at my kids’ flower hats, and I hear them calling to me, beckoning me to don them. I haven’t succumbed yet, but I think it’s only a matter of time…

TL;DR: Flowered while I showered; got a good hair wash but nothing else.

Edit: A general idea of what my flower hat looked like in college.