I (28) broke up with SO (32) 1.5 months ago I don’t know if it makes sense for me to post here but I really value this online community. I really miss SO and SS (3) and spend most of my days just crying, depressed, and lonely. I can’t even begin to emphasize how happy me made me, despite the problems and my doubts. Since I last posted, SO spent a month trying to win me back and I kept saying no. I was unsure about my choice, but a little voice inside said I was doing the right thing.

Then two weeks ago he called me and told me he had to move on, that this was goodbye, and thank you for everything. That he would always love me in some way, and that maybe our relationship was an opportunity for us both to grow. It was wildly mature and thus insanely painful.

Since that moment, my regret and hesitation has amplified. I turned 28, I am unhappy in my job and don’t know what to do with my life other than write but I don’t make any money from that. I am home with my parents for a week, then traveling for another week to see a reading of one of my shows (I’m a playwright), and then I’m going back home where I’ll be in the same city as SO again. After he said the thing about moving on, I almost called him and said “please let’s work it out” but I did not. I did text him saying that I hoped SS was well because I missed them so much and didn’t hear back and he blocked me and my family on all social media so I am terrified I’ve lost him forever.

It’s been two weeks and I don’t know what to do. Part of me is like “BREAK UPS SUCK, this is to be expected!!!” And another part of me is like “no, he was your soulmate!!!” But it’s probably too late because I messed everything up, though I almost reach out every day. We were best friends and my doubts were real but HOLY HECK this is so painful.

TL/DR: Feeling sad because I left my “family” and I don’t know what to do.

EDIT: after posting this I realized so many people are probably going to say “MOVE ON” and idk if i’m emotionally ready to go there.