I haven't told this story to anyone, ever, for reasons that will become clear. But I think it's such a key part of unlocking my sexual identity that part of the reason I've kept it hidden, even to myself, is that I had such a hard time accepting that it happened to me. And that it helped formulate just who I have become. 

When I was a teenager in the early aughts, I worked at a movie theatre in the suburbs of Toronto. Along the stretch of main street there, perhaps surprisingly, were a bunch of porn video shops. It was weird, it was like suburban paradise, but for some reason there were three or four stores back then, including one that advertised having lots of booths.

I was always curious about these places, especially when I would be driving home from my shift late at night and they were the only places open. I had watched more than my fair share of porn growing up -- all mostly acquired via print magazines, before transitioning to stuff shared on places like Kazaa and Limewire -- and I was a horny little fucker, to be sure.

I had just broken up with my rather prudish girlfriend -- only got as far as a handjob from her and some shirtless action -- and to be honest I had harbored some strange and confusing feelings about cock. Like, I started to really, deeply admire looking at some guys' cocks in porn, to the point where I was thinking just as much about stroking, maybe even tasting!, them as I was about getting head from a girl or fucking a pussy. A perfect, throbbing, veiny cut cock? Jesus, yes. 

But these were things you just didn't talk about with friends, certainly not my circle of friends. I also had no real idea of what went on in these porn stores -- I could jerk off at home, why would I want to watch something in what i could only imagien was a filthy booth? And the few times I worked up the nerve to visit some of the porn stores located downtown -- all along Yonge/Dundas area, all now long gone -- were so off-putting due to the smell and sketchy clientele that it didn't seem appealing at all. But then, yeah, curiosity/horniess got the best of me. Plus the sheer thrill of going someplace that seemed so ... forbidden? Off-limits?

I decided one night after work, around 12:30 am or so, to stop by. I got into the place and it was seemingly empty, just one cashier, some music in the background, shelves and shelves of DVDs and some racks of huge didlos and other toys. But then around the corner from him was this darkened area, maybe lit by a few red lights. The booths. The guy caught me peeping around and said it was $5 or maybe $10 to go back there, and I could then go into a booth and watch what I wanted per minute with coins. I could hear the moans of clips playing in the background, the shuffling of some feet. What the hell, I went in. 

Mostly the booths were empty, save for two or three that had "red" lights over them, meaning they were occupied. I could hear more muffled noise, women moaning in videos. It smelled like cigarettes and cum. But instead of being repelled, I was thrilled. My cock was rock-hard underneath my jeans. I heard more noise, voices not from a video, and rounded a corner, and that's when I saw them: A group of four (maybe it was three?) guys, all with their cocks out, and a woman in the centre of them, kneeling.

She looked like a typical suburban housewife, almost like one of my friends' moms. Must have been 45 or so, short blonde hair, glasses, in a blue-flower print dress that has been burned into my memory. One of the straps was pulled down and her tit was out -- a huge D-cup breast at least, thick brown areolas. She wasn't thin, but she wasn't chubby either -- just what the kids might today call "thick."She was deeply engaged in a blowbang, one cock in her hand, the other in her mouth, the other guy (again, maybe two others??) jerking themselves waiting for their turn. I froze.

No one noticed me for what seemed both like an eternity and a second. The guys were all white, except one black guy. He had the biggest cock, no question, which she was sucking enthusiastically. They all had their clothes on, cocks sticking out of their flys. They must've been at least forty years old or more, possibly 50. Not young guys, for sure, with guts and thinning hair. I couldn't move. I was just staring. I felt precum leak out of my cock. This was mind-boggling, yet the best sight I had ever seen in my young life. 

To this day, I'm not sure where I got the balls, but I walked over and, almost wordlessly, unzipped my fly and pulled out my dick. I'm not even sure if the other guys registered me, but the woman sure did. I'm not gonna lie, I have a nice cock: 8 inches cut, big mushroom head, veiny shaft. This woman eyed it and then looked up at me: i swear her face and expression, I still cum to this day. Her eyes just go wide, and she smiles, perfect full red-lipstick lips streaked with precum from the other guys. But instead of sucking me, she goes back to the black cock, starts furiously jerking him, leaving me to just sustain my hardon myself. I swear I'm give seconds away from cumming myself. I still don't know how I kept myself from exploding.

But then the black guy cums -- letting out a huge and satisfying "agghgh" that nearly pushed me over the edge -- and the woman turns to me."Your turn, cutie," she says, and fucking hell I'm almost gone -- a woman my mother's age, honestly could be my mother's best friend!, eyeing my cock like a hungry teen girl. Still grabbing one of the other guy's dicks, she slurps mine right up -- first running her tongue along my shaft, then just taking my whole head in, one big gulp. I would love to say this lasted for several minutes, but maybe 30 seconds later I was gone -- cumming before I could even give her a warning. But she didn't pull back, just slurped it all up like a pro. Oh my god, the rush, but also the immedaite post-nut clarity. Huge. I almost immediately zipped up and fled back. I think the other guys laughed, she sure did. I was both thrilled and humiliated. A complicated stew of emotions. Which is when the story gets really interesting, I swear.

I headed back, raced almost to the front. But then clerk then called out, "She's here every Thursday night, man." Okay. Okay. This was interesting. I headed back home, furiously jerked off two more times, passed out, swore never to go there again. Flash-forward to next Thursday night. I could barely concentrate at work, barely keep my cock from ripping through my pants, in anticipation of going back there. I drive over after my shift. I had alrady jerked off once in the bathroom at work, to calm my nerves, and hopefully make my next session last a little bit longer till I came. I go inside, it's deserted again, pay the guy to go to the back and see ... nothing.

Rounding every corner, peering inside almost every booth. No girl, no guys. Wait, no: coming out of one booth while I walked around was the same black guy from the other week. I'm sure of it. I get hard again. He eyes me. He might not recognize me at first, and walks past. Comes back around. Eyes me again. It's him. And he knows me. This guy mustve been at least 45, thinking back on it. Tall, 6 foot something, shaved head. Not thin but not heavyset either. I could imagine him a middle manager at Canadian Tire or something. Ridiculous thing to say, but I dunno. I do remember his cock though -- definitely bigger than mine, cut and thick and just dripping with that woman's spit. A pure porn-star cock, if I'm being honest. He eyes me again, I'm getting a little nervous. But excited. But where is she? "Back again, eh?" he asks. I try to say something in reply, but hoenstly my mouth is dry. No words escape. I nod. "She's late...probably coming soon," he replies. "Want to have some fun while we wait?"

He gestures to a booth. It's just big enough for two. He doesn't wait for me to reply, just goes in, sits down, and pulls out his cock. It's almost mouth-watering. I'm not sure what's going on here -- doesn't he want the woman to suck him? Is he asking me to? Is he gay? Am I? In this moment, every answer seems like a yes. Or a no. Again, pulled by forces unknown to me, I go inside the booth and shut the door. First, I just watch him as he strokes. He puts some coins in the booth and picks some random porn -- honestly to this day i have no idea what it might have been: gay, striaght, who knows.

My eyes were trained on his cock, my mind on my own dick. I sit down next to him, fumble for my zipper ... and then, BAM. He has pushed my head straight into his crotch. I have no time to react. I have no time to fight back. To resist. I have no idea what the fuck is going on, but I can taste sweat and god knows what else in my mouth, in my nose. My senses are consumed. He's got his cock in my mouth, and I don't know what the fuck is going on!I'm not sure I struggled. I'm not sure what I did. All I know is that I feel a force on the back of my head, pushing me down any time I try to motion upward. He's grunting, maybe saying something. I honestly don't know. What I do remmeber: the taste of his cock, sweaty and salty, his smell, musky and overpowering, like a fire that had gone out. smoky, almost. and i remember how hard i was the entire time, that is until i unleashed a torrent of cum in my pants, without even tocuhing my own cock or him touching mine. and then his warm cum hitting my tongue, then the back of my throat, then him finally releasing me and my spitting, gagging, coughing, falling to the floor. my mouth full of his cum, my pants crusted with my own cum. him making a speedy retreat outta there. wordless.

I think I stayed crouched on the floor of that disgusting booth for a half hour more. i heard some footsteps, some shuffling, some more moaning from booths nearby. i'm not ssure how, but i got myself to my feet, and then my car, and then home. the next few days were a blur. i still don't think i've fully processed my feelings. but i can say that it didn't take me long to go back to that store.

I never did see that woman again. But I had so many more experiences. So many. And they've all made me into the sick perverted fuck I am today. And I'm not sure I would have it any other way.